And life starts over again

Now all that’s left to do is wait.

For those of you who don’t already know, I’ve been expecting. I found out in February. Before I found out, my mom told me I might be pregnant, but I didn’t believe it. I really thought that I was going to have fertility problems because of an illness I had when I was a teenager. Being pregnant hasn’t really hit me yet, and today is the due date. 

I’ve really loved being pregnant. I loved feeling him wriggle inside of me. I loved imagining what he’ll be like. I loved not having to feel guilty about eating (if I was not too nauseous). I loved that my hair got really thick. I really loved all of it. Sure, there were some things that were uncomfortable. They didn’t really become noticeable until after 6 months, maybe 7 months. The nausea for one thing. My breathing became more labored. I’m a stomach sleeper, so when my belly got bigger it became difficult for me to get to sleep. The stretchmarks on my abdomen are an eyesore, but I’m glad they’re there. 

Today could be the day, folks! I’m super psyched and I can’t wait to meet my son. He’s been sucking all of my resources, so when he gets out he’s going to immediately start learning how pull his own weight around here. If I don’t go into labor by next Saturday, it will be induced. That could very well happen because my body is just stubborn like that, but we’ll see of course. 

To anyone who’s reading this: thank you! 

Baby update.

I’ve been feeling terrible these past couple of weeks. Everything I eat goes right through me, so I haven’t really been eating what some would consider a “sufficient” amount. I have been taking vitamins, drinking lots of water and milk, and eating healthfully when I can (and some bad stuff too, no alcohol).

I looked up on google about what’s ailing me, and I find these bulletin boards where women are like “I’m really worried that I’m not eating enough. The baby may not gain weight. Blah, blah, blah.” I don’t know what their physical stature is, but just think about women in the third world. They don’t eat food for weeks at a time, sometimes can’t have water for a few days, yet they keep having kids. How does that happen?

I guess this post is for those who are or are looking to become pregnant. First things first, see a doctor regularly. He or she will run all kinds of tests to find out how baby bump is doing. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Eating is very important, but mostly for the mother. Believe me, your child will be getting all that they can out of you from the first day of conception and onward. Just load up on vitamins, minerals, and water. Your body and baby will love you for that.

I am not the morality police, but just for the babies health try to avoid consuming things that are bad for you and baby. This includes alcohol, hard drugs, caffeine, and fattening foods. I have slipped a couple of times with alcohol. Sometimes I needed a little swig of something to calm my nerves, but just don’t make it a habit. My real vice has been coffee. I need it to feel half human, but I only have an average size mug of it a day. I was on a cross-country road trip recently, and had way too much of it, but baby is doing fine. I love junk food and can be found noshing on it more than I should, but I try to balance it out with wholesome fruits and veggies. All of this is common sense stuff, but I hope that perhaps I can help you feel less alone on this long journey.

Sometimes I find myself worrying about the kind of mother I will be, but that’s useless. I will not be the constantly worrying mother. I want to enjoy the time I have with my son, and make him feel as strong and confident as I can. The most important factor in a child’s life is that they are your number one priority. Any serious choice I make will be put through the Harrison filter. If it’s positive, then it’s a no-brainer. If it’s neutral, whatever. If it’s negative, it will require some time and thinking.   

I know that I will have some blind spots. I will do my damnedest to be the best, most understanding, stern when I need-to-be mother and girl friend that I can be for my family.  Some have said that I am stupid for doing this or think it, and to them I say: fuck you! I’d like to see how together your life is. Maybe it is together, but it’s still lacking something. Perhaps it’s rigid and stern, like a dead body in a casket. I’d rather have an awake, albeit stressful life, while I’m alive.

For anyone who’s wondering, I’m going to sometimes be the worst mother for my son. I will give him what he wants to eat at midnight, and not worry about his health or sleep. We will share spooky stories with a flashlight that will keep him up at all hours of the night. I will roughhouse with him and Steven, like I’m one of them. I’ll let him get dirty and stay that way if he’s too tired to take a bath, but only if he’s truly about to conk out. He’ll probably end up watching a movie or two with some violence and rude humor. We will rock the fuck out to the Ramones, Marilyn Manson (maybe when he’s a little older), the B-52s, Blondie, Electronic, Jazz, Classical, and anything that sounds fucking awesome. He will hear me say fuck and shit when I’m losing my mind. We’ll probably be really obnoxious at times, but we’ll be so with the most tender of love.

In all seriousness, I would not expose my son to anything that I perceive to be too mature for him. He will not be watching American Psycho or Caligula, but he will at some point see something that might be a little bit risqué, and I’ll tell him that it’s some silly thing grownups do. I will let him believe things that are fantastical and extraordinary because it makes him happy. I will read him his favorite book that we’ve already read 500 times, and that goes for movies as well (as long as it isn’t too annoying). I will try to shield him from the negative side of life, but when it confronts us, I will tell him that everything is going to be alright, and that I and his daddy love him to pieces.

I cannot wait for the day you pop out, Harrison Lloyd Fischer. <3